Here it is, yet another year where I watch all others celebrate their mothers on Mother’s Day.
I try to turn the situation into yet another find the silver lining situation or celebrate what you had situation, rather than to just look at what I don’t have.
And boy, the last two Mother’s Day without my mother still hasn’t prepared me to live through another one without shedding a tear.
But before I start to come off as a “woe is me” character, I wanted to reflect on something that I’ve mulled over a lot today.
Yes. I’ve lost my mother at a young age. Yes. I had to get through a lot of hard times before I was even 21, including the long-term effects my mother’s death had on my loved ones.
No. I am not unique in this. No. I am not alone.
This Mother’s Day is my soon-to-be Mother-in-Law’s first Mother’s Day without her mom in 50-something years. And where I’m sad that my time with my mom was cut short, only living through 19 Mother’s Days with her, I can’t imagine going through 58 Mother’s Days and then suddenly having to quit. Suddenly, that yearly routine is disrupted.
My heart aches for that and her situation. And it’s all a matter of looking at other people’s situations and seeing things from their perspective that keeps me from feeling too badly for myself. It could have always hurt more. It could have hurt the same, but differently.
My mother died when we were on great terms. I confided in her, trusted her, and respected her and her opinions. There are people who cannot say the same thing, whether their mom’s are dead or alive.
When my mom died, my elementary school named a scholarship after her. I was sent notes from so many not-for-profit organizations who commended her life and her efforts to make Buffalo a better place. My mom had a lot of aspirations despite her illness, despite the pain and the uncertainty it left her with. I had one hell of a role model. And I know that this isn’t the case for every one. I try to remember this and just be happy about what I had. And to continue having her in memory.
Whether you’ve had your mom for 10 years, 25 years, or 70 years, it’ll be hard when she’s gone, whether you had a great relationship or a bad relationship. But you should know you’re not alone. There are always lessons you can learn from your mom, whether it’s who you wish to become like, or who you don’t wish to become like.
I miss my mother, every single day. And as I get closer to graduation, wedding planning, and considering life-changing things like children, the grief intensifies beyond words.
But she was a good one. For all her faults, all her most special qualities, they all combined to make her the best mother I could have hoped for.
Because of her, I am a proud Native woman. I consider my propensity for wanting to help others part of what I learned from her. And I consider myself a very strong, independent person; a strength I credit to learning from her.
Happy Mother’s Day to all the Mother’s out there.
And a hug from me to you if you can’t actually say that to yours.